Susan

It has been eight years and I hardly ever tell this story to my friends. I realize how I almost forgot her after years, and an assignment from my lecturer led to a rememberance of her. I didn't think that I would end up telling a story about her for my essay homework. The homework required me to write an essay about unsolved mystery occurred in the place where I live in. The mystery could be a murder, someone's disappearance, or natural phenomenon. At first I thought about a continuous theft occurred in my housing-complex but I realized that it would not be so mysterious, so I thought about something elsel; an unsolved case I know, or case whereby I was involved, I witnessed, or I know. I ended up remembering her, thus led me to a rememberance of that sad story. 

I have lived in Kuningan for several years before eventually moved to Bandung (again). I moved (back) to Bandung in 2006, so I finished my elementary school in Kuningan. There I found friends with different characters and traits. I was the member of A class, from the first year to the sixth year, and the members remained the same so I met same people with same faces and traits for six years. Unlike the other students, I always had different point of view about something. When the other boys played soccer during breaktime, I stayed in my class drawing pictures or chatting with other friends. There were other differences that my friends and I had, which (well I don't know exactly anyway) might led me to the object of bullying. Yes, I was bullied by my friends lots of time even though I was not always the victim of bullying. I sometimes joined the bullier team to bully another kid. And I think I start going out of line so let's stop talking about bullying or something. 

I had many friends in the class. One of them was a girl named Susan. She was nice and taller than me. She had many friends even though she was kind of quiet person. She was quite smart. She once ranked Top 10 in class. And despite of being a girl, she was such a strong-minded girl. She rarely cried and she could yell at boys and make them scared when they annoyed her. We had never been close before until everything changed a lot when I became the fifth grader. I started making more friends and getting closer to those whom I had not been close to before. I was close to a Chinese girl named Pevi and became best friend with her. Pevi was very close to Susan and I eventually became best friend with Susan, too. We often spent our time going to arcade or visiting our friends' house. We shared many things and we helped each other. Susan was like a sister for me, as well as Pevi. She always knew when I was sad and she would cheer me up. And it was kinda hard for me to cheer her up because she used to look cheerful almost everyday. When she was sad, she tended not to show it, or if she had to she would not let me see it. She would ask me to go out of the class while she started crying, or shooed me to go away so I could not see her crying. Grading up to the sixth grade was a cool thing for me as an elementary school, but it was also a sad thing because I realized that I would be apart from my friends, especially Susan whom I considered as my elder sister. After the final examination, the school planned a tour which could be only joined by sixth graders only. I thought it would be great because that might be the last moment we, my friends and I could feel the togetherness before eventually walked on different path and reached different star. 

To shorten the story, the tour was great. We visited a hot spring and enjoyed our time there. The one-day tour was great enough to spend my time with beloved friends. We went home at 3p.m. and arrived at our school in the evening. I was picked up to home, together with my neighboring friends. Susan's home was not far from the school that she could walk home by herself. I enjoyed my night remembering what my friends and I had done in the hot spring. Swimming in hot spring, having lunch together, chatting and singing in the bus, I was so excited. I was so happy that I could not sleep at night. 

But the happiness did not last long. My smile perished away on the following day, Sunday, when my friends knocked on my door hastily. I quickly opened the door for them and I saw them crying. One of my friends nervously told me that Susan has passed away. I was shocked, fell in silent. They then asked me to contact our teachers since I owned their numbers to inform them about Susan's death. Panicly I got my phone and started calling my teachers to inform them. My friends were still crying in my parlor. Finished calling my teachers, I went back to parlor to meet my friends. I asked them what exactly happened but they seemed to be unsure about what they knew. Later on, I knew that Susan was found dead this morning, hanging on a tree in a small yard. It hurt my feelings to realize that she committed suicide. How could a strong girl like her commit suicide? She has been a strong and cheerful girl, and I thought it was impossible for her to commit suicide. I bursted into tears, breaking inside. Leaning on the wall, I sobbed and asked God why this should happen. 

On the following Monday, black clouds shroudded the atmosphere. Tears flowed and flooded classes. Black ribbons were on the chest. We cried her a river. Everybody was shocked by the fact that Susan would be no longer with us. Her memories lingered in our mind as we dropped more tears. Losing beloved persons is a sad thing, and you can imagine how it happens to elementary school students like me in that time. We were not strong enough to face such truth. My neighbors started asking me about her and it bothered me that I eventually got depressed by the questions. My mom wanted to know Susan so I showed her a picture of Susan taken from my birthday photo album, and I eventually bursted into tears while hugging the photograph. Things worsened when police and forensic team did responsibility to handle the case of her death came up with a new speculation that Susan's death was unnatural. A witness said that Susan committed suicide, but the findings found by police and forensic team led to a hypothesis of a murder. The bruises on her body and other similar factors strengthened the speculation. I could not stand watching the news and hearing other speculation about it. Her death has already made my feelings hurt, so I begged for anything not to make it worse. 

I attended her funeral with my friends. I have cried a lot before so I think I was strong enough to attend her funeral. I succeeded holding back my tears when she came in her coffin. Some teachers and students' parents were there, too. I took a deep breath to help me calm myself down. My friends already bursted into tears and I myself struggled not to cry. Susan is a strong girl, right? She hates to see her friends sad, right? Then I must not cry to show her that I'm strong to face this bitter truth. But I am a person, too, anyway. As I walked home, tears flowed on my cheek. I avoided walking to the crowd so people would not see me cry. It needed several weeks for me to really move on from the sadness. Now I think I have cried a lot that it's all in, even though sometimes I drop a tear remembering her or visiting her in my memory. 

Now I am eight years older and Susan must have been sleeping for eight years, too. I wonder if she still takes care of me from somewhere over the rainbow. I hardly ever tell anyone about her, because I know that it would just scratch my scar that would make me hurt again. But now, you know that there was a girl named Susan who once appeared in my life. Her appearance was not just a minor character in this drama. She taught me how to smile when I am down. She taught me how to fight back those who harrass me. She taught me a lot of things and I have learnt a lot of things from a girl named Susan, who was my classmate and was taller than me. 

And now, you know that the writer of this note slowly bursts into tears as he finishes her note with three words: 

I miss her