Let us take a deep breath and imagine for a while. Imagine a happy family, consisting of a father, a mother, and children. You may create a depiction of a happy family as a family that is having a nice picnic in a green grassy backyard, or a family that is gathering in a living-room and the smiles on the faces of each family members. Some of you might not think about another family, but yours. You may have such family I ask you to imagine. You have a happy family and that's all. You're happy to be in your family.
Now, have you ever wished to be someone else?
Probably, yeah you know, someone else better than you. Someone who is more beautiful or handsome than you, who is more famous than you, who is richer than you, who has everything you want that you don't, or whatnot. And you might think that it's so questionable, that why I ask you such things.
I live with my parents and two siblings of mine. Most people think that my life is wonderful. I could have something that I want. I have parents who both work as lecturer in university. I study in university where my parents teach in. I could ask for money to my parents when I really need it and I would get it sooner. I live a happy life. That's what I've heard. But I bet that those people only made a perception. Some people say (but I don't) snakes are beautiful. You say they're beautiful because you see how they look from the outside. But when you learn more about them, you might know that they are deadly. You see what I mean?
Yes. Look closer, learn more, understand deeper, and you will see that what is seen is not always what it is exactly. My life is actually not as happy as you might say. Money, gadgets, stuffs, apparels--if those things are the reason of why you may think that my life is happy, then I suggest you getting to know more about me. My stepbrother have complained several times about himself. He feels sorry for being him, I mean in other words, he wants to be someone else. Why? Dude, you're lucky being yourself! And now I think I have to bitch-slap myself that I sometimes want to be someone else, too.
A couple weeks ago, I scrolled my Twitter timeline and found a tweet from my seonbae, saying that she envies those who live in their houses, not in a boarding house, that they could see and meet their parents everyday. If I may speak, you'd better stop envying because being at home is not always nice. Yes, it is not always nice being at home. Sometimes you go to campus, meet your friends, and feel happy. And as soon as you're home, you feel like you're in a war-zone or at least, feel like you're in the middle of Schwarzwald and freeze to death. I have to confess it, my relationship with my father is not really good, or at least, not as good as you may see from the outside. What happens at home is simply different to what happens when we're not at home. To be honest, the arrival of daddy coming home from work is not something special for me. I want to cry thinking about this. It's so ironic when my friends say that they're happy for the arrival of their parents coming to see them, and I feel like, "Well, I've never been like that at home,". They have great parents, so do I. But the way their parents treat them is somehow... I don't know. I envy them.
I never really want to have a small chit-chat with my father because I know he is busy. He works until late night, dealing with those papers, analysis results, business phone calls and whatnot. I don't think that he even understands me. The way he talks is sometimes irritating and it's not the first time that, yes, it's been a couple times I really am over his patronizing tone. He sometimes asks me to do something that I do believe, he can do that by himself, but he don't want to. I'm eighteen-fifteen alike and I'm busy with my shitty assignments and suddenly my dad comes up with a bunch of translation requests or something, and pushes me to work on it before the deadline, and yeah, I have to stay awake and I can't survive. I've collapsed before. It hurts me and I wonder why dad is being like that to me. Does he love me? Does he even think about me? Yes I know that, I know dad loves me. I know dad thinks about me. But what happens everyday at home, and it makes me feel like I'm in between of a deadly valley and an erupting volcano. Where do I have to go? And mom. My mom is somehow more understanding than my father. But she's busy, too. Well I don't know how to explain about her but, yeah, the story is somehow alike and I feel like I want to be someone else, live in another better, richer, nicer family. I want to be the youngest son, having one elder brother and one elder sister. But that's impossible.
Now what do I have to do? I cannot become someone else. I have to be me, myself, Klaus. But being me, that's not as easy as you might think. Those things cannot help me. Money, you may think that money can buy happiness, but that's just a bullshit. One day you'll find that money can make you become so fed up. I sometimes don't need the money, I need the love. And sometimes I want them to understand that I need this and I need that, but they don't want to listen to me. What am I? A statue? Or even nothing? My thoughts are never known, and my words are never heard. Does this thing happen in a good family? Okay, I sometimes feel happy being in this family. But there are times that I feel burdened, and I come to the point of crying. You know, Klaus at campus is simply different to Klaus at home. You don't believe that? You may ask me to prove it.
So you, who always feel sorry for being yourself and ask God to be someone else, please think twice. This life is a grace. Cherish it and you might find points that lead you to the feeling of gratitude for this grace. We cannot become someone else. Trust me, there's always something that you have, and others don't, and you have to be thankful for that.
