I'm a person, too

I've been here for about eighteen years, and things have changed a lot, here and there. As I see the differences, I often feel something like going to go on a different way. It might not affect me, or it might hurt. So many people I've met, many people I know. Nobody's the same. Someone can change unpredictably, so can I. Sometimes when people change, there's such a feeling that makes me not able to accept the changes.

I sometimes cannot accept the changes. Therefore I walk away. The more people change and my feeling cannot accept it, the farther I walk away. And sometimes I feel lonely. Yes, I sometimes feel lonely. I'm a complicated person. Many people find it hard to understand me deeper. Some have given up, the rest are still trying to understand me deeper. I do not intend to be selfish, but I hate being left alone, being kept waiting for a long time, and being neglected. Someone treats me such way and I'll be disappointed. There I walk away and I do not want to say a thing to that person. In conclusion, I hate being disappointed anyway.

I sometimes smile and laugh, just to blur the hint of loneliness and sadness in me. But I'm a person, too. I eventually feel sad, angry, frustated, lonely, and I try so hard to do something that can cheer me up and help myself get up from the downheartedness. Smiling rarely works on cheering me up, since the loneliness and sadness perish my smile away soon like a wood burnt. But I always try not to let myself get too downhearted, as I've promised myself and some closest-friends before. I might cry, feel sad, be mad, be frustated, or protest since I'm a person. Yeah, because I'm a person, too. But I do believe, one day I'll wake up in the morning, see day as a new page of my life, feel my energy burnt, and think to myself that the happiness is in the air.

[sighs]

My Reasons To Idolize Tiffany Hwang

When my jiejie (Chinese for elder sister) showed me SNSD's "Hoot" music video for the first time, my eyes tried to capture Choi Sooyoung whom I did not know the name at that time. Then, I started asking my jiejie about her. I searched information about her on internet and started to idolize her. I did not know much about SNSD at that time, so when people talked about SNSD, the only thing I knew are, first, Choi Sooyoung; second, Hoot; third, there are nine members whom I (at that time) didn't know the names except Sooyoung.

She is tall, pretty, and amazing. Or yeah she's the tallest among the other members that I, at the first time, couldn't believe Taeyeon as the leader is even shorter than her. So, people talked all about SNSD and I kept mentioning Choi Sooyoung, Choi Sooyoung, and Choi Sooyoung.

As time went by, I got more information about that nine-member girlband. The group consists of Taeyeon as the leader, so-called dancing-queen Hyeoyeon, Sunny, Tiffany, Yuri, YoonA, Seohyun, Jessica (whom my jiejie was so obsessed to look like her), and definitely, Choi Sooyoung. I copied some songs from my jiejie's cell-phone and listened to them for days. Being aware that I only got singles from my jiejie's cell-phone, I decided to find full albums and EPs. Now, I have several albums on my iTunes which I sometimes play to accompany me working. And one day, a friend recommended me a song sung by Taeyeon titled "If". I listened to the song and there, I thought that the other members probably had solo performances, too. So I searched for other members' solo performances and I found one by Tiffany titled "Ring".

I listened to Tiffany's "Ring" and I started to love it. The song is so beautiful and romantic, arranged in wonderful arrangement. I still love the song. I often listen to it and set my music player to repeat one-song only, so I will not listen to anything but Tiffany's "Ring". As the result, "Ring" is ranked as the first on Most-Played song on my iTunes.

Then I thought myself,

""Ring" is amazing. I think Tiffany must be amazing, too,"

So I looked for information about Tiffany and a blog provided a comprehensive biography of her. I read the articles about her thoroughly and I started to like her. But reading her biography was not enough for me so I read more and more about her, and I thought I'd idolize her soon.

Yes! I idolize her now!

I have reasons why I idolize her. It's not because she's beautiful (hey, she's beautiful indeed and it doesn't need to be questioned), it's because some things that she has.

Tiffany starred MTV SNSD Special on 5th episode and I found out that she came to South Korea from United States on 2004 by herself to pursue her dream. She's amazing. She went to Korea by herself and she worked so hard to give the best. The way she worked so hard is admirable. She tried to persuade her father to let her go pursue her dream since her father didn't want her to be a singer at first, and she did it. She practices hard on dancing and singing, and she always tries her best, even though she is not the leader. She always tries to improve herself. She sometimes finds difficulty in pronouncing some Korean vocabularies, but she doesn't give up easily. I think she must have made great improvement for herself.

Her personality is also the reason to love her. I see her smile. Yes, she always smiles. And yeah, again, I watched the 5th episode of MTV SNSD Special. Tiffany said that all she would do when she was feeling sad is smiling, because she thought that smiling is the best thing to do. She also said that she doesn't like crying in front of people because it's embarrassing. I don't need much time to say that she's a friendly person, even though I haven't met her face-to-face. And she's a strong person. She sometimes feels lonely, sad, or angry, but she won't let things get her too downhearted and finally she will overcome it.

 

So, about her voice? Ah, I don't need to explain more about it. She's bright, even brighter than jewels, and she has sweet amazing voice. It's probably hard to listen to Tiffany's voice in particular when she performs with the group, but she has several solo performances in which she sings a song by herself. "Ring", "Because It's You", and "I'm Alone" are my favorite Tiffany's solo performances. You might want to listen to those songs so you will hear her voice more clearly. 

So, yeah, I think that's all I can explain about her. I actually still have a lot of things to show how I adore her, not only as an idol, but also, umh... well, she's like a sister for me. I can say that SNSD must be very thankful to have her. And I thank God for knowing her. Why? Because she somehow motivates me. It may sound weird since I haven't met her in real life, but there's a way she can indirectly teach me a lot of things in this life.

누나,구마워요 :)

Sunny Has Changed

Setelah lama tidak nge-post hal-hal yang berbau KPop, saya sekarang malah mau ngomentarin penampilan Sunny SNSD. Bukan mau ngomentarin penampilan di panggung, tapi maksud saya adalah appearance-nya. Dan tenang aja, bukan komentar yang buruk dari saya. Malah saya ngeliat perubahan-perubahan yang terjadi sama Sunny sebagai metamorfosis yang menakjubkan! *wow*

Awalnya sih ngeliat Sunny itu sebagai sosok yang imut, aegyo sih istilahnya. Apalagi liat penampilannya di MV "Oh!", Sunny keliatan cute dan enerjik. Kalau dibilang kayak anak-anak sih... nggak juga, tapi memang dia keliatannya ya, aegyo! Bahkan di album Korea saya, beberapa foto Sunny waktu rambutnya belum di-dye jadi blond, dia masih keliatan aegyo.

Setelah Sunny nge-dye rambutnya jadi blond, saya juga masih ngeliat image dia yang aegyo. Dan beruntungnya namanya Sunny karena yang saya sering liat (atau mungkin naturally) ekspresi wajahnya itu sering senyum (murah senyum), jadi cocok sama namanya.

Atau kalau mau liat lebih jelas sih nonton MV "Visual Dream". Disana Sunny banyak dapet vocal part dan yang jelas lebih keliatan aegyo-ness nya *hahaha*

Tapi waktu SNSD meluncurkan album "The Boys" dan saya liat MV-nya, penampilan Sunny banyak berubah. She had her hair cut and she looks different on the MV! Saya malah awalnya hampir gak ngenalin Sunny (her smile is the key). Dengan potongan rambut pendek dan outfit yang menurut saya nggak terlalu seksi, buat saya image Sunny berubah dari seorang Sunny yang aegyo jadi seorang Sunny yang feminin, bahkan glamorous! Saya coba cari foto-fotonya di nate dan dapet beberapa foto terbarunya. And somehow, she still looks cute! Jadi, image Sunny sekarang gak cuman cute, tapi juga feminin, dan glamorous (menurut saya). 

Oh ya, dengan tatanan rambutnya yang pendek, Sunny juga bisa looks sporty! Dari beberapa gambar yang saya dapet, Sunny keliatan sporty. Terutama kalau dia udah pakai jaket dan hoodie yang nutupin rambutnya.

That's all. That's how Sunny impresses me with her looks, and her smile. 


pics got from nate

Lonely

Dalam hidup saya, udah biasa banget mengalami fase rame dan kesepian. Hanya saja ketika fase rame, saya terlalu gembira dan kadang sampe lupa diri. Happiness is an oblivion. Dan ketika saya masuk ke fase kesepian, well I can't even move on or step up.

Lantas apa yang bikin saya ngerasa sepi? I don't really have many friends. Mungkin sebatas kenal dan nggak nyampe teman deket, baru sampai level friend atau acquaintance (kalau menurut relationship level di The Sims 3), tapi sebenarnya yang saya butuhkan itu sahabat. Jujur, kalau ditanya senang berteman atau tidak, saya bisa bilang biasa-biasa aja. And even I'm not in really into making friends. Saya orangnya cenderung tertutup, walaupun terkadang blak-blakan. Saya kurang bisa beradaptasi dengan lingkungan dan suasana baru tanpa ada minimal seorang yang jadi pegangan atau patokan. My weakness. Banyak orang bilang saya ini dingin dan sinis, atau mungkin mereka belum kenal saya? Entahlah, yang jelas kalau dibilang sebatas tau atau kenal sih banyak orang yang saya tau. Tapi jadi teman baik atau sahabat? Hanya belasan, mungkin? Kenapa nggak bisa sampe puluhan? Karena saya sering merasa kecewa. Terkadang saya butuh seseorang, lebih tepatnya sahabat ketika saya lagi ngerasa downhearted. Saya tau bahwa nggak bisa setiap orang selalu ada buat saya, tapi setidaknya minimal peduli kan bisa. I feel neglected. On this old earth with approximately six billions people, yang peduli sama saya mungkin sedikit. Mungkin satu banding seribu atau satu banding seratus ribu. That's sad. I feel lonely when everybody are cheered.

Banyak faktor termasuk perbedaan yang bikin saya juga ngerasa kesepian. Mungkin berbeda kesukaan bikin saya jadi nggak cocok buat berteman dengan seseorang. Entahlah, pikiran saya memang pendek atau saya memang idiot. Tapi dari kesukaan itu, munculah preferensi seseorang dalam berteman. Mungkin saya bisa bilang lebih senang berteman dengan si A daripada si B, tapi bisa aja si A lebih senang berteman dengan si C daripada dengan saya. Itu adalah kenyataan yang bikin saya kecewa sebenernya. Saya nggak bisa maksa si A buat harus terus berteman dengan saya. Saya mungkin anggap dia sahabat, tapi mungkin dia anggap saya sebatas teman main atau semacamnya. Perlahan saya mulai berfikir kenapa harus ada yang seperti itu? Saya juga lemah, nggak bisa bangkit dari keterpurukan yang melanda. Saya jadi bertanya sama Tuhan, kenapa sih kok Tuhan nggak adil. Saya bener-bener kesepian, dan saya ngerasa nggak ada orang yang mau peduli. Maka saya coba buat bangkit sendiri, tapi rasanya tetep sakit.

Saya nggak tahu harus berkata apa lagi, karena yang ada dalam pikiran saya ya, rasa sakit.