I've been here for about eighteen years, and things have changed a lot, here and there. As I see the differences, I often feel something like going to go on a different way. It might not affect me, or it might hurt. So many people I've met, many people I know. Nobody's the same. Someone can change unpredictably, so can I. Sometimes when people change, there's such a feeling that makes me not able to accept the changes.
I sometimes cannot accept the changes. Therefore I walk away. The more people change and my feeling cannot accept it, the farther I walk away. And sometimes I feel lonely. Yes, I sometimes feel lonely. I'm a complicated person. Many people find it hard to understand me deeper. Some have given up, the rest are still trying to understand me deeper. I do not intend to be selfish, but I hate being left alone, being kept waiting for a long time, and being neglected. Someone treats me such way and I'll be disappointed. There I walk away and I do not want to say a thing to that person. In conclusion, I hate being disappointed anyway.
I sometimes smile and laugh, just to blur the hint of loneliness and sadness in me. But I'm a person, too. I eventually feel sad, angry, frustated, lonely, and I try so hard to do something that can cheer me up and help myself get up from the downheartedness. Smiling rarely works on cheering me up, since the loneliness and sadness perish my smile away soon like a wood burnt. But I always try not to let myself get too downhearted, as I've promised myself and some closest-friends before. I might cry, feel sad, be mad, be frustated, or protest since I'm a person. Yeah, because I'm a person, too. But I do believe, one day I'll wake up in the morning, see day as a new page of my life, feel my energy burnt, and think to myself that the happiness is in the air.
[sighs]
