It's Hurt But It's The Best Part

Hal terbaik tidak selalu terasa nyaman. Sadar atau tidak, terkadang jenis bantal atau kasur yang paling baik untuk kita bukanlah jenis kasur yang sangat nyaman. Siapa bilang, hanya selembar tikar bukan sesuatu yang baik? Selembar tikar tidak cukup membuat nyaman, tapi untuk sebagian orang itulah yang terbaik.

Hal terbaik tidak selalu terasa manis. Sadar atau tidak, obat yang kita minum terkadang terasa pahit. Siapa bilang, pahit itu menyakitkan? Ternyata, pil kina yang terkenal pahitnya itu justru bisa menyembuhkan kita dari malaria? Bahkan, sirup pedas itu justru menghangatkan tubuh kita.

Hal terbaik tidak selalu terasa hangat. Sadar atau tidak, air panas alami berbelerang itu terasa sangat panas. Siapa bilang, air panas itu membuat kulit melepuh dan menghancurkan epidermis? Ternyata, kandungan di dalam air panas itu justru menghancurkan penyakit yang ada di dalam tubuh.

Hal terbaik tidak selalu terasa menarik. Sadar atau tidak, belajar memang melelahkan. Sebagaimanapun metode belajar terbaru, pasti terbersit sebuah kebosanan. Siapa bilang, kebosanan itu hal terburuk? Ternyata, dari kebosanan itu justru memiliki pengaruh terbesar ke kehidupan tahun-tahun mendatang. Siapa sangka, pengorbanan di masa muda membuahkan hasil prestisius di usia dewasa.

Hal terbaik tidak selalu terasa sehat. Sadar atau tidak, jarum suntik melukai kulit dan membuatnya mengeluarkan darah segar. Siapa bilang, suntikan itu selalu menyakitkan? Ternyata, dengan suntikan itu justru vaksin masuk ke dalam tubuh dan berperang melawan penyakit-penyakit di dalam tubuh.

Hal terbaik tidak selalu terasa indah. Sadar atau tidak, ulat adalah makhluk yang bagi sebagian orang menjijikkan. Pergerakannya yang dapat dibilang statis karena sangat lamban dan juga efek gatal yang dihasilkannya membuat orang enggan mendekatinya. Siapa bilang, makhluk menjijikkan itu buruk? Ternyata, setelah ia memasuki fase metamorfosis, kemudian dari kepompongnya ia berubah menjadi seekor kupu-kupu yang sangat indah.

Demikian pula dengan saya. Terkadang saya mengharapkan sesuatu yang terbaik harus memiliki kriteria-kriteria sesuai dengan keinginan saya. Saya sering menganggap bahwa yang diberikan oleh Tuhan atau hadiah yang Tuhan berikan bukan untuk saya karena tidak sesuai dengan apa yang saya inginkan. Tapi ternyata, Tuhan punya jalan lain. Sakit itu Tuhan berikan agar saya merasakan apa itu sehat. Pahit yang Tuhan berikan agar saya tahu bagaimana itu manis. Hina yang Tuhan berikan mengingatkan saya bahwa posisi puncak bukanlah segalanya. Ketidaknyamanan yang Tuhan berikan agar saya bisa merasakan bagaimana nyaman itu. Dan buruk yang Tuhan berikan, agar saya bisa memaknai apa yang Tuhan maksudkan mengenai definisi dari 'indah'.

I should have realized it...

A Glass, Techno-House, The Dance, and Comfy Couch on Late Saturday Night

The Ideas of Choco-ness

A Fantasy, Tom & Jerry, Allegro, Monstrous, and Hasty

A monstrous monster, so fabulous..

"Cuman di KTP doang kok.." Isn't A Good Sentence

Sore itu Kazu ke ruang keluarga di lantai 2 dan ngeliat ke arah TV. Si 'ceuceu' lagi nonton TV. Sore-sore gitu masih aja ada sinetron, entahlah TV jaman sekarang aneh-aneh aja (bukan TVnya, tapi acaranya). Penasaran sama apa yang ditonton, Kazu coba ngedeket.

 Acara apaan sih? Sinetron lagi ya?"
 Bukan, film gitu."
 Film apaan?"
 Ga tau. Tentang 'Islam KTP' gitu kalo judulnya sih."

Sedikit 'nyerempet' juga tuh judul film kalo ngeliat situasi human beings sekarang ini. Sadar ngga sadar, kita semua lagi diarahkan menuju paham sekularisme. Ngga peduli mau agamanya apa etnisnya apa, coba deh fikirkan lagi baik-baik. Terasa ngga sih semakin kesini, form 'Agama' yang ada di KTP secara ngga langsung cuman jadi atribut doang? Malahan bisa disebut atribut 'Alegori' karena Indonesia terdiri dari beragam ras dan agama.

Senakal-nakalnya Kazu, jujur Kazu terus mencoba buat melakukan apa yang Tuhan suruh dan kabur dari apa yang Tuhan larang (walaupun semua manusia pasti punya dosa atau kesalahan, baca: manusiawi). Terkadang Kazu ngerasa sangat sinful dan terus berharap bisa hapus semua dosa-dosa (walopun susah karena yang namanya dosa itu kaya papan tulis, dihapus terus ditulisin lagi). Menjauhi apa yang Tuhan larang juga susah. Dan Kazu sempet berfikir, "Ya Tuhan, apa saya pantes disebut hamba?". Dengerin lagu-lagu rohani ato ikut pupujian di mesjid Gumil tuh kayanya sama aja bohong kalo terus aja larangannya diterobos, mirip si Ko Shady yang sempet ngacir walopun traffic lights udah nunjukkin lampu merah.

Bukannya sok alim ato sok religius tiba-tiba karena Kazu sendiri sadar, yeah kadang bablas lah yang namanya ibadah (God, forgive me please). Kadang ngerasa sirik sama koko (baca: kaka) yang teguh pendirian (baca: istiqomah). Dia tuh bener-bener yang namanya ibadah ga boleh dilupain. Kalo kita jalan-jalan, pasti koko minta waktu sebentar kalo emang udah waktunya (ditandai dengan pendengaran super sensitif dia terhadap suara azan). Jadi Kazu bener-bener harus jadiin koko sebagai panutan (yeah I know, Ko Chis is kinda source of super annoyance). Kazu juga salut sama beberapa temen Kazu yang terbilang #bangorunited tapi ternyata pada rajin ibadah, yang umat Kristiani rajin ke gereja, yang umat Muslim pada jadi anak masjid. Walopun mereka itu pada bangor! Percaya ato ngga, naek motor kebut-kebutan, ada juga yang sangar, eh tapi ternyata hatinya hanya mereka serahkan sepenuhnya kepada pengabdian dan puji syukur kepada Tuhan Yang Maha Esa semata! Gosh, memang yang namanya orang ga bisa dinilai dari luarnya doang!

(Hampir) setiap satnite, Kazu pergi ke kafe atau sekedar main ke mall. Kalau di kafe, yang namanya rokok ato alkohol udah biasa. Bukannya mau menjelek-jelekan atau gimana, tapi Kazu tahu bahwa di agama Islam yang namanya mengkonsumsi alkohol itu dilarang (hukumnya haram) tapi memang masih ada beberapa orang yang melanggarnya. Bukannya mau sok alim atau lagi-lagi merasa diri lebih baik, tapi kalau memang itu larangannya kenapa dilanggar? Cerita lain, ada yang menganggap agama itu kuno. Buat mereka, hidup ya hidup sementara agama itu urusan yang lain. Paham yang kaya gini disebut sekularisme. Buat mereka, selama jantung mereka masih deg-degan dan nafas mereka masih bisa hah-heh-hoh ya it's time for having fun as much as you can. Hidup mereka kayanya diisi sama yang namanya dapetin duit (cari uang), nikah, punya anak, menjalani kehidupan, having fun, makan, minum, duet eksresi dan sekresi, sampe akhirnya berujung dibawah batu nisan. Tapi ternyata, kalo diliat di KTP ternyata di form agama mereka tuh ada agamanya, bukan atheis ato animisme sampe dinamisme. Loh, kalo mereka punya Tuhan terus selama ini mereka anggap Tuhan mereka apa? Tiap dijalan lewat ke Masjid ato tempat ibadah lainnya dibablas aja, malahan mentok di Embassy ato Mansion. Sampe malem clubbing dan besok paginya ngelewatin kebaktian pagi. Pas diingetin cuman bilang 'oh' udah gitu lagi-lagi having fun, belanja di mall sampe belanjaannya bikin lift overload. Besoknya kerja terus udah dapet duit having fun lagi. Itu nyata dan memang ada orang yang seperti itu, dan Kazu tanpa maksud buat ngehina atau ngejelek-jelekin tapi memang begitulah kenyataannya. Tuhan tidak lagi menempati urutan pertama, coba bayangkan betapa sedihnya Tuhan kalo Tuhan itu introvert melankolis. Tapi Tuhan itu berkuasa penuh atas semuanya, dia ngga akan nangis tersedu-sedu apalagi sampe bikin notes curhatan di Facebook atau blog.

Jadi, kalau memang di KTP itu ada agamanya kenapa tidak dibuktikan? And I keep praying that Lord will always be with me, in my side and in my heart. Jangan sampai Kazu termasuk ke dalam golongan sekuler dan semoga Kazu selalu ingat sama keberadaan-Nya. Amin!

A Zero But Hero

Again, the story that I still remember well. A story that inspires me (may also inspire a lot number of people who have read it), a great inspiration about finding of self-esteem and self-confidence. A story that makes me believe that no matter what weaknesses on you, but there lies a magic spark (song: The Power of The Dream by Celine Dion).

The story tells about a man who lived in a small ville. He had a bad appearance physically. We could see something horrible about his face. Yep, his face and several parts of his body were extremely damaged that affected to the rest of his life. His face was so monstrous that I wouldn't explain about that for more. We might walk away, run, or scream when he passed us by in the street. But unlike us (if we were in that story), people living in that small ville liked him so much. Youngster, men, women, the oldies, they appreciated and respected him just like they respected each other. They didn't discriminate him as 'The Ugly Man' or 'Hell Boy'. That man lived his life like people used to live: work, eat, meet people in the street then say 'hi'. He lived an ordinary life, like the others did. He didn't marry for a secret reason they didn't know what. Children weren't afraid to play or meet him. Other men in the village talked with him and had coffee time in the evening. We might ask, "Why did they do that?" or "What did that man do so people weren't afraid of him?".

When that man was a young teenager, there was a firehouse and a baby within. The mother escaped first but she left the baby inside. No one dared to get in to the house and take the baby out of the fire, even the strong men just tried to extinguish the fire from the outside. That man with his bravery got in to the house and looked for the baby. He found the baby and quickly took the baby out of the fire. The situation got worse and the fire kept burning up. He ran through the fire and successfully brought the baby to his mother. The baby was safe, but that man was almost burnt to death. He was brought to the hospital and got examined there for a serious skin-damaged. And that was why he had his skin damaged almost all over his body.

He was well-known for his patriotic action that would be remembered for a long life-time. People would remember him as a man who sacrificed himself to save a baby out of the fire. He had a good life with respectful people around him. He might feel sad of his appearance, but he wouldn't regret it. He was proud of what he had done and that was enough for him. He didn't want to change his face anymore, that was enough.

A new lesson again taken from a story above. We might have got the wisdom before. Sometimes, you don't need to be as beautiful as your favorite actress or as handsome as your favorite actor to be famous or well-known by people. Handsome, beautiful, rich, muscular, sexy, or anything, and sometimes they're nothing. You don't need to build your body so then people will know you as Mister Muscle, or you don't need to have a super diet that will only hurt yourself at the end in making people know you as Miss Slender. Physical weakness won't be an obstacle if you believe. I do believe, deep inside people's heart there's always a feeling or passion of being famous somehow. No matter how quiet person you are or how introvert you are, sometimes you want them to know you (or at least become a famous person). And sometimes your weakness crashes your dream. But, watch TV shows nowadays and you're gonna find people who make their weaknesses as their advantages. Who says, people with physical weakness are slums? Ucok Baba is a famous presenter and actor who has physical disorder which makes him look child-alike (we can call it 'dwarfish'). He doesn't mention his 'dwarfishness', and what he mentions is to entertain people and become more confident day by day. Big is beautiful and it does matter for Miss Impian contestants. 'Fatty' isn't something for them and they're well known for their 'fatty-ness'. Most girls are worried about their weight, but they don't. They enjoy being fatty and just like, "Here we are with our fatty-ness. And no matter what they say, so what?". Remember Hee Ah-Lee, a four fingered Korean pianist who has 'Lobster Claw Syndrome'? For common thoughts, what can a four-fingered girl with knee-leg do for more than staying in her bedroom and enjoying a whole life there? All the thoughts are fading when you watch her concert. Honestly, playing classical repertoire for me isn't as easy as people can think or assume. Even the seniors practice hard to play expert pieces. So how about her? You may think that she won't do that but she plays Fantaisie Improptu with her four fingers! Note that: four fingers only! And what audience should do next is just standin tall, giving her a super great applause and shout it, "Outstanding!". God is fair, He never fails.

So, still grumbling about your weaknesses?

Smoothly Steadily Flowing In Andante That I Call It 'Nocturne'

"Bunda, ade kena insomnia lagi...!"
"Yaudah dicoba tidur aja."
"Susah..", kata Kazu sembari kucek-kucek mata.

2 jam sebelumnya, Kazu baru aja menikmati tidur nyenyak dan cukup hangat setelah main ke rumah Uncle Big (baca: Uncle Ivan) dan main piano sama Oling. Di jalan emang dingin jadi sesampainya di rumah, kasur dan selimut serta sweater jadi stuffs yang bisa diandalkan.

Karena tidur sore, akhirnya malamnya ga bisa tidur. Inget bahwa besok masih ada sekolah dan #wtf apa itu MOS? Am I involved? Absolutely no and don't wanna be involved. Kazu pikir masih banyak orang lain yang berhak dan lebih pantas jadi panitia atau anggotanya. But this is not about what I wanna talk about.

Mengingat kebiasaan tidur larut malam, sampai sempet bikin postingan tentang insomnia beberapa waktu lalu. Malam hari, ada beberapa lagu atau pieces klasik yang sangat pas dijadikan sebagai lagu pengantar bobok. Udah bukan lagu "Lullaby" lagi karena udah ga mempan #nyengir. Tangan ini secara otomatis pindahin playlist ke Classical dan langsung double-click itu pieces.

Frederick Chopìn : Nocturne Opus 9 No. 2 in E♭ (baca: E-flat major)

Andante, dengan tempo segitu Kazu rasa Chopìn sedikitnya berhasil bikin hormon Melatonin dan Serotonin di tubuh Kazu bekerja supaya Kazu ngantuk dan grusuk-grusuk di atas kasur lagi. Ketukannya 12/8, sepintas mirip Valse kalau didengerin tanpa ngeliat sheet. Atau mungkin piece ini juga bisa dipake buat midnight ballroom dance, semakin malam semakin pelan aja tuh dansa. Info dari Wikipedia bener-bener ngebantu banget buat Kazu ngedalamin ini piece walopun sampe sekarang ga bisa-bisa maenin piece ini.

Banyak not-not dekoratif dan trill (setidaknya digambarkan sama acciacatura atau triplet). Mungkin terbilang ga terlalu rumit buat dicoba-coba sendiri tanpa baca partitur (mengandalkan kekuatan pendengaran ala Nodame), tapi khusus buat not-not dekoratif itu kayanya agak susah buat diulik, walopun ternyata ngga sesusah yang dibayangkan. Progres piece ini dari mulai awal ke akhir, semakin lama semakin keras (crescendo). Di bagian akhir ada trill panjang yang lumayan bikin pegel. Piece ini berakhir dengan halus (mirip lagu Lullaby lagi ujung-ujungnya), tanpa sforzando di akhir ato marcatto apapun itu yang nyentak. Bener-bener bikin ngantuk!

Sleepy, I think I gotta go to bed..

Mungkin Hanya Kerupuk Tapi Perjalanannya Jangan Diabaikan

Baru aja Kazu jalan ke ruang makan dan menemukan toples besar di atas meja makan. Siapa yang taro? Si kakak kerajinan masukkin makanan ke dalam toples, atau bunda, atau siapa? Si mbak? Atau satpam Duta? Ah tak mungkin, para satpam sedang jagain portal pastinya sambil ngopi. Setelah diintip ternyata isi toplesnya itu kerupuk! Tau kan, kerupuk yang selalu jadi objek mahakarya anak TK Cahaya Kehidupan? Itu lah..

Sambil ketawa ringan, Kazu inget waktu bunda cerita tentang kerupuk itu dan perjuangannya. Sebenernya sih perjuangannya ngga begitu susah karena dapetnya juga ga sesusah ngeluarin kepala yang ga sengaja masuk ke stupa candi Borobudur (it simply reminds me to a case occurred several days ago). Tapi perjalanan yang ditempuh si kerupuk itu ternyata melanglangbuana persis nama jalan di kota Kuningan, Jalan Lang Lang Buana tempat tinggal temen Kazu si Alan.

Jadi ceritanya gini, karena di Duta tuh jarang banget tukang kerupuk lewat bahkan ngga ada (kalau di rumah di jalan Pasantren dulu tukang kerupuk sama tukang sayur tuh balapan cepet sampe rumah: buat ngadem di bawah pohon nangka!). Nah, tukang sayur aja yang palingan lewat walopun memang sayur-sayuran juga bunda beli dari supermarket macam Carrefour, Yogya, Griya, atau Borma, atau Metro (sayurannya baju *halah*). Akhirnya, tau tak bunda dapetin itu kerupuk dari mana? Jadi ceritanya papa juga kelola yayasan yang tempatnya di daerah Gerlong Girang (bukan tante girang ya :P), dan si bunda tuh justru beli dari tukang kerupuk yang lewat ke depan itu yayasan! So far, wasn't it?! Dan setelah beli itu kerupuk, pake acara di tinggalin di yayasan dulu. Terus masuk tas bunda ikut pergi ke Cimahi Mall (ngapain coba?), ikut juga pergi ke Yogya Cimahi, ikut macet di jalan, dan curiga ikut balik lagi ke jalan Setiabudhi buat ke Borma Setiabudhi. Dan selama itu juga, itu kerupuk satu sachet (baca: plastik) rileks aja ngangon di dalem tas bunda. Sampe akhirnya sampe rumah dan alas Kazu lagi ga ada di rumah sampe ga kebagian itu kerupuk.

Tadi pagi, bunda dateng habis pergi sama papa dan bawa Kazu oleh-oleh. Tau tidak apa? Kerupuk putih! Sempet kaget tapi terus ketawa karena bingung, baru kali ini ada yang ngasih oleh-oleh kerupuk.

Emang sih cuman kerupuk, tapi kalo diliat dari perjalanannya ga bisa dianggap enteng. Belum lagi perjuangannya buat dapetin itu makhluk blonde keriting. Rumah dimana, beli dimana. At last, thanks ya bunda. Besok-besok Kazu pengen kerupuk tempe, beliin dong..

You're Falling And No Matter How Thick The Cummulonimbus You're Just About Hitting The Ground So Hard That You Can Crash

Have played Mortal Kombat before? Say that you're about beating up your opponent and you almost do that. Remember any 'last words' like "Finish Him!" on this game? Then seems like your opponent won't have any chances to get up and hit back that he will die as soon as you kick him or throw him into a big grinder.

Have you ever watched Tekken 3 on the movie? Jin Kazama was on a fight with his 'real' father (even though his father didn't consider Kazama as his son). Kazama was hit repeatedly and yeah he was so much in pain (don't ask about that). His father was about killing him in several seconds, and Kazama laid on the floor powerlessly. But guess what, he got up and hit his father back. Kazama was still alive! What made him so strong that he could beat his father? 

Faith and Hope

I remember a story told by my teacher about a black bat living on a tree in a village. It's told that there was a house of a family who had a huge tree in their front yard. And there was a bat living on that tree. People living in that village believed that bats shouldn't be around them because they would bring calamities for their life. Someday, the house owner found the bat sleep-hanging on a branch that afternoon. He was scared and asked for people's help to cast the bat out. Then, a large number of people suddenly came to his house yard and tried everything to harass the bat's peaceful dream. A stone, two stones, three stones, finally a stone hit the bat and the bat fell down to the ground. The bat was harassed and defended himself by covering his body with both of his wings. He tried to run away from the shots. Then, a man brought his rifle to shoot the bat to death. He shot the bat and then the bat looked extremely miserable. He kept trying to fly and run but people kept hitting and shooting him. The bat must had tried to fly although his wings were hurt that finally the bat died.

A wisdom I got from the story that I still remember until today, and make it as my guide whenever I feel so down. Believe that whenever you're trapped or cornered and you presume that you won't have any chances to get up, solve the problem and trash it out, you still have a power in yourself to get up. I see how miserable the bat was but he kept trying and trying to run away and fly. We will never know the result, but we still have a power even just a little to stand up and face it. I'd been so depressed before that I couldn't think and kept mourning, but soon I realized that I had a little power to reach a shining ray that would help me out from the bad dream.

You're falling from the seventh sky, you're about hitting the ground that you predict yourself to death. You have nothing to think but die and you have nothing to do because you know that you'll pass away in several minutes. But hey, who knows.. There's someone who has put a big mattress down there so when you're about 5 meters from the ground, you're just about falling on that comfy mattress.

Miracle is true, buddies!

It Must Be Kidding and I Can't Believe That I Have My Own 12 Octaves Pipe Organ In My Bedroom Then I'm Gonna Slap Myself!

I have my own perception about differences of 'Want' and 'Wish'. Because when people talk about wishes, they're actually not wanting it but wishing it.

'Want' (to want) is a verb that defines a state where a subject expects for something that usually happen in a short temp. When someone 'wants' something, he usually finds any way to get it as soon as possible. As soon as he gets what he wants, he will leave it.

For example :

• "I wanna go home.."
• "I wanna go to the restroom.."
• "I want candy.."
• "I want my Dad now!"

Explanation :

• The first sentence is "I wanna go home.." which describes the situation where the subject wants to be home. He will find his way home and as soon as he comes home, does he still want to go home? I don't think so. He's already home, isn't he?
• The second sentence is "I wanna go to the restroom". Let's say that the subject wants to pee. As soon as he finishes it, does he still want to pee? He gotta check his bladder, for sure.
• "I want candy" like children used to say. The children may ask for more but after they feel enough, do they still want to eat more? Instead they should see the dentist (LOL)
• The last sentence simply describes me. As soon as I meet my dad, nothing to worry for more.

 'Wish' (to wish) is a word defines a state where a subject actually wants something but it happens for a long temp. In other word we can call it 'hope'. Even though the subject doesn't think about it, but he still wants it. Just like the ideas when we were children. "I wanna be a super star" and "I wish I can be a superstar".  The first statement shows the subject wants to be a superstar in a short time (maybe tomorrow or as soon as possible), whereas the second statement shows the subject wants to be a superstar someday (not that fast).

For example :

• "I wish I can afford my own house.."
• "I wish I can play drum.."
• "I wish the concert will be great.."
• "I wish the movie won't be that damn boring.."

Explanation :

• The first sentence describes a statement that the subject wants to afford his own house. He may not want it right on that moment but he wishes that someday he can afford it.
• The second sentence tells someone's dream. 'Wish' is better than 'Want' to be called or considered as 'Prayer'
• The third sentence can be considered also as an 'expectation'. But sometimes, the expectation shows an ambition or obsession that is 'too high to be reached' or 'too hard to be climbed'. The subject may wish for something too obsessive. He may not watch a great concert like his wish.
• The fourth is similar to the third sentence.

 Most of what's on my mind are 'wants' not 'wishes'. I want a new phone, I want a Macbook, I want a pony, I want my Hyundai Atoz, or anything. 'Wants' can be got by easier way than 'wishes', whereas the way to reach and get the wishes are not as easy as 'wants'. 'Wishes' can be reached by hardworks, great efforts, self-trusting, and prayers. 'Wishes' are dreams to be realized. We can't reach the wishes instantly, it needs process. I used to want, not to wish. I have no wishes actually because I want my wishes right now (read: instantly appears). And great results are made from hardworks that took longer time.

A new lesson for me : Start wishing, not just wanting.